Nothing beats driving around a sunny, warm day. You have your sunglasses on, the windows down, your music playing obnoxiously loud… It’s all very therapeutic and delightful until you factor in the one thing that makes driving anywhere a living nightmare: other drivers.

I’m not even talking about other drivers in the context of technical bad driving—that’s a topic for a different post. There are people out that ruin your driving experience because they have no social grace within their vehicle. There are just certain unspoken rules of the road that we all should be abiding by. Unfortunately, the packs of people I’m typically driving around with seem to enjoy flouting these unspoken directives.

Don’t Pull Up Evenly to the Car Next to You
You’re stopped at a red light staring at the traffic light, thinking, maybe singing at the top of your lungs, until all of a sudden someone in the next lane over pulls up right next to you. It’s common courtesy to leave a small buffer zone so your windows aren’t exactly even with the car next to you. Lining up your windows perfectly with the car the next lane over is the equivalent to going over to your neighbor’s window and pressing your nose up against the glass. This is a highway invasion of privacy! As soon as someone pulls up like this, you have to stop what you’re doing, take care to look straight ahead, and anxiously await the green light.
Do NOT pull up in perfect alignment with someone’s car; it’s rude.

Honking Jurisdiction
We all love when we get to honk our horn; I get it, I do, too. It’s the only way we can communicate with other drivers while in our car aside from yelling at them or giving the middle finger. I personally embrace a judicious honking policy. If you’re at traffic light and it turns green, and you’re still not moving, you should only be honking if you’re the car behind the absent-minded lane leader.

Recently I was the third car in my respective lane when all of a sudden the car behind ME honks. This person behind me just thought he’d take it upon himself to alert the car FOUR CARS in front of him that it’s time to drive. That honk was completely inappropriate because it’s totally out of his jurisdiction. Instead, all he accomplished was giving me a small heart attack.
You have to be behind the offending driver in order to honk… otherwise you look pitifully impatient.

If You’re in Park, You’re in a Parking Spot
I must always be driving at that time of day where all the lazy drivers are out. I’ll be driving along, the light will change, and myself, and all those driving around me, will stop. Then all of a sudden I notice the brake lights of the car in front of me switch to reverse (and I have a moment of panic thinking he’s suddenly just going to back into me and kill me) and then suddenly the lights disappear: this individual parked their car.

WE’RE AT A TRAFFIC LIGHT! Is it too much to ask that you press down on the brake for about four minutes? Is that too taxing on your leg? The only time parking your car on the road is acceptable is if the longest freight train you’ve ever seen in your life is blocking your path. Okay. Park your car and wait. You also shouldn’t be parking your car in food/drink drive-thru lines. Again, you can’t wait ten minutes at most? Have people gotten this lazy, for real?
Do NOT park your car anywhere but in a parking space.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten something here, but just being mindful of these three little things will not only make you part of the 1% driving elite, but also set a good example for all those inconsiderate motorists out there.

9 thoughts on “Driver Decorum

  1. It’s especially bad when they pull up next to you and then just watch you and try to chit chat the whole time. Puts a stop to any alone-time car fun you were having, suddenly it’s awkward furtive glances and embarrassment over “Call Me Maybe” blasting. Or crying.

    1. Exactly! I especially hate when that happens and something weird happens in your car, like a bug flies in somehow. Then you’re freaking out, swatting all around, and there’s just someone the next car over thinking you’re insane.

  2. It drives me (get it drives) crazy when people pull completely even with me. There is nothing more disheartening than having to stop singing out loud so as to satisfy the even puller upper. They might as well be policeman right behind me. Then I have to stop texting.

Don't you sass me! ...Actually, please do.

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