I’ve been having some problems lately with my long term relationship. We’ve been together since 2009, but lately it feels like we’ve grown apart… We don’t spend nearly as much time together as we used to, and I know I’m not giving this relationship the attention it deserves. It’s entirely my boyfriend’s fault. Confused? I’m talking about my relationship with my DVR.

I grew up being one of those kids that didn’t have cable TV, and no, I wasn’t poor or Amish. When television broadcasting switched from analog to digital back in winter 2009 I experienced the wonder of having all those extra channels for the first time, but it didn’t stop there. I found out that, included with our spiffy new television package, we got a Digital Video Recorder. Gone were the days of making the gut-wrenching decision about which 7PM television show to watch or being forced to flip back and forth between channels like some kind of circus animal. Those days were over: I could easily record all my television shows and watch them anytime at my leisure! It was love at first sight.

So began my and DVR’s whirlwind romance. Nearly every evening we’d spend at least an hour of our night alone together. DVR has seen me laugh, cry, get angry, and even stand up and cheer over the years. Without DVR, I possibly never would have met Breaking Bad, Vampire DiariesReal World, or get to enjoy the endless reruns of Seinfeld I love. Despite all the good times we’ve shared, it pains me to admit that I’ve been cheating on my beloved DVR.

It started about four months ago, when I met my current boyfriend. Needless to say, I’ve been seeing less and less of DVR because I’m spending more of my free time with him. I’ve even been so bold in my infidelity that I sometimes watch some of my boyfriend’s television shows rather than my own, leaving dear old DVR home alone collecting dust. I haven’t officially come clean to DVR that there’s someone else, but I think it suspects something. Since I haven’t been diligent about watching my television shows like I used to, I’m finding that some of the unwatched episodes I haven’t  even gotten to watch yet are being prematurely deleted by DVR to maintain enough space for the other scheduled recordings. …I was hoping we could both be civil about this. Now I’m suddenly the Kristen Stewart of the DVR community. I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and all my television shows that are neglected.

The look of love… Miranda understands.

Though it pains me to say it, I have to cool things off a little with DVR. As much as I enjoy spending so much time together, I find myself craving more attention, more intellectual conversation, and frankly, DVR’s sense of humor leaves something to be desired. Things will never truly be over between me and DVR–it’ll always hold a special place in my heart, but at this point of my life, I’m not ready to settle down with DVR spinster-style like Miranda from Sex and the City with her TiVo.

So I’m sorry, DVR. It’s not you, it’s me. I hope we can be friends (and still hook up frequently).

19 thoughts on “DVR Infidelity

  1. I may be the only person on the planet that does not have a DVR. That’s right, I’m a DVR virgin. After reading your post, I am going to call my cable company and have them add it to my lineup stat. I want to know that kind of love… and then cheat on it, too.

    Found you through our friend Right to Bitch. Good stuff!

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