‘Tis the season to complain about the holiday season starting too early! It starts in November and really intensifies around Thanksgiving. The stores begin putting up all the Christmas displays and cheery carols flood the airwaves. Before you know it, everyone turns into Ebenezer Scrooge, lobbing any number of the following complaints: “Can’t we even get through Thanksgiving anymore?!” “It’s too early!” “It’s barely the beginning of December!” “Christmas is still a month away!” “Now I have to listen to Christmas music for three weeks!” …Boo hoo, you bah humbug-ers. Its spending a month celebrating really that difficult?

I understand the rationale: Christmas isn’t until December 25th, and the last few years, it seems that right after the stores take down the Halloween candy, they immediately start stocking the Christmas ornaments. …I get it, a month and a half early is a bit excessive, but when you stop and think about it, is it really? With all the trick or treating on Halloween, all the cooking and family visits around Thanksgiving, and all the shopping and decorating that has to be done in anticipation of Christmas, is it really any wonder it all starts so damn early? The holiday season flies by!

All these little holiday preparations take up time. Digging out the ladder to risk your life hanging the Christmas lights outside. Rummaging in the basement to find the Christmas tree box. Buying ornaments to replace the ones Uncle Jack drunkenly broke last year after having too much egg nog. Going store to store in search of that one in-demand item that’s out of stock everywhere. Meandering in the mall, looking in store windows trying to find gift inspiration for that one weird cousin that doesn’t shower. Figuring out a way to sanely deal with your relatives again so soon after Thanksgiving. Guess what? While you were doing all that, the entire month of December passed by.

I think I’ve figured out the real reason why people are so bothered by the premature ejaculation of Christmas all over our daily lives: none of us wants to be reminded the holiday is coming (pun intended) so soon. I’m starting to think Halloween and Thanksgiving are holidays whose main purpose is to further legitimize our Christmas denial. “Right now I just need to get candy for the trick or treaters! Christmas isn’t for months, yet! I just need to cook the turkey, Christmas shopping can wait!” These are just temporary distractions taking our attention away from the fact that soon enough we’ll need get ourselves tangled in Christmas lights and take out a second mortgage on the house to fund the holiday shopping.

I know one of you haters is responsible for this...Image from Google
I know one of you haters is responsible for this…
Image from Google

I hate to be the bearer of bad news (actually I don’t, it’s kind of the bread and butter of this blog), but resistance is futile. Whether you’re ready for it or not, Christmas is on its way, and just like every year before it, along with toys, Santa’s bringing entire evenings of television specials, upbeat carols, and debt along with him in his magic sleigh. I recommend finding your own way to contribute to the madness. Everyone has at least one Christmas song they like. “We Three Kings” isn’t really my jam, but I could listen to any version of “Carol of the Bells” that exists. If Rudolph isn’t your type, there’s eight other reindeer to choose from (but I have dibs on Blitzen). If you hate traditional Christmas trees, get one of those hideous inverted trees and decorate it as hideously as possible. Get creative in your protest, at the very least!

Now, unlike the Grinch, my heart is ordinarily two sizes too small year round, but for some reason, this time of year I find myself filled with–dare I say–cheer? So here’s two more of my cents (by the end of this post, you’ll have a full dollar): You’ve got the entire rest of the year to take advantage of being embittered and cynical, and goodness knows I exercise that right, but just for the month of December, shove a stocking in it. There are worse things that could happen to you than hearing Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” on a loop or being bothered to throw up some adorable decorations around the house. Pour yourself a spiked tall glass of egg nog, put on a Santa hat, and ho ho ho with the rest of us overeager Christmas zealots.

25 thoughts on “Christmas Curmudgeons

  1. Haha, I love this, I’m exactly the same: most of the year I’m cynical about things but I just LOVE Christmas and I don’t care how early it starts! As you said, there are worse things that could happen than the early onset of Christmas cheer. Accept it, humbugs!

  2. I wouldn’t call myself a Christmas-hater by any stretch of the imagination, but I think Christmas is strictly for December, lol. I wait all year for December to finally come back around so I can revel in Christmas glory and it annoys me when Christmas stuff starts happening in November, it just makes it seems less special. And if you haven’t heard it, I highly recommend the Celtic Woman version of Carol of the Bells, it’s beautiful! 😀

    1. I hear ya. I might need to acknowledge my bias here because I’m not much of a Thanksgiving gal. And oh goodness, I’ve had that version on my iPod for many Christmases now! It’s amazing.

  3. I have to say you are lucky if the stores over there only start peddling the Christmas toot after Halloween. Over here we get it from September – as soon as the schools go back. And I can bet that some supermarket somewhere will have Easter eggs on the shelf before Jan 1st. That said though, I can’t get enough of Christmas! 🙂

  4. Okay, Missy Woo…here’s my deal. I love Thanksgiving…and adore Christmas. My issue is that often the Christmas decor pops out right after Halloween, bypassing the whole giving thanks thing. Now I know that technically we don’t need a day to be thankful, but I enjoy the sense of tradition, the opportunity to reflect with your loved ones and to tell the ones you love exactly why you’re thankful for them this year.

    If the decor started immediately post thanksgiving, I’d be cool…same goes for the music. Christmas is my favorite kind of music…next to my sappy love songs. Nothing puts me in a cheerier mood quite like hearing a live piano pick up a Christmas tune…I’m quick to run in that direction so I can lend my voice to the music. 🙂 And yes, I know almost every Christmas song… 😉

    1. See, I’m more of a Thanksgiving bah humbug-er than anything else, and it’s pretty much for the reason you mentioned. I try to be thankful for the things I have and the people in my life year round, so for me, to see a bunch of people suddenly realize how lucky they are just for one day in November, kind of gets on my nerves. I’m glad we can agree on the Christmas music though! I foresee a duet in the near future.

      And by duet I mean you singing, and me humming or lipsynching in the background.

      1. Ok, back up lip sync girl… I look forward to it. As for Nov…For me it’s not a sudden bout of gratitude…it is more about enjoying family/friends I don’t get to see as often as I like…(and food…always food).

  5. I understand now why I like your blog so much. It’s like a female funny version of mine. I am with you on Christmas. I find 90 percent of the year irritating, but the Christmas season kind of cheerful. What is wrong with a selfish person like me finally getting what I don’t deserve like the latest great toy, err electronic device or video game console? May the happiness of year ever be in your favor.

  6. What’s NOT to like about the holiday season? I’m talking Halloween through New year’s Day! After that, minus a few exceptions, it’s back to Blahsville for eight months! Enjoy the break from the norm and celebrate! For you Scrooges, there’s plenty of time for you to enjoy being a humbug.

  7. I’m totally with you on this one! Why would we complain during a time of year when people actually show some compassion toward one another? Whether because they mean it or just get caught up in the season, it’s still a positive thing!

  8. Being the good, misogynist latin man I am, I don’t do shit for Christmas. I buy my mom a simple gift and then just show up wherever the family tells me to. I drink beer and eat tamales, and get into a fist with my cousin. Afterwards I procede to pass out in a pool of my own vomit. Pretty much its like any other weekend for me except I buy my mom a gift and I wear a collard shirt.

  9. I freakin’ love me some Christmas cheer – bring on the Jingle bells and overpriced pre-sales shopping, I say! Also even if you are bitter, being deliberately cheery about Xmas will really annoy other cynics, so that’s a plus 🙂

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