Something Grand

It begins as a possibility—remote and abstract—a thing of maybes and what ifs, distinguished by its fairy tale mutability. It’s shaped through a series of events, a set of circumstances whose cause and effect can shift the sails of your life. Sending a shy email in response to a story that inspired crippling laughter and expecting nothing in return. Letting the subsequent exchange fizzle out partly in fear of the unknown and partly in petulant annoyance at being called “Kate.” A month later, coming across a different, equally uproarious story completely by chance and recognizing him through his words, and making the choice to throw caution to the wind and acknowledge once and for all this fateful coincidence. Suddenly, this “possibility” gets a promotion to being something.

20130218_195554Every vibration of your phone catapults your somersaulting heart into your throat. Each new email notification has you frantically leaning in earnest toward your computer screen like a moth to radiant heat. Phone calls dialed and answered are handled with shaky hands and butterflies fluttering madly in your stomach. This is the frivolous, wonderful euphoria of the beginning of a something.

This something is a mosaic built of many little things. A first trip to the petting zoo consorting with wee goats whose infancy perfectly mirrored the early stages of this something. Solving the curious case of the mysterious chimney and its triumphant resolution as a displaced dollhouse fixture. The idle trips to grocery store filled with people-mocking and you’re-too-old-for-that cart skipping. Hosting a Halloween party with cupcakes, creepy characters, and the uniquely potent diet cranberry and vodkas. The times spent watching, and more often sleeping through, science fiction movies. The recurring bad habit of providing tickles and driving feedback without solicitation (and with protest). The experience of sharing custody of a kitty that was sneakily named for a character in Watchmen. The use of the word “icky” and the unusual accents and phrases whose peculiarity is protected by privacy.

Pretty soon you’re sharing more than just a couch cushion or a meal; you start trading “someday I’d like to…” statements in the dark. You experience the strange phenomenon that is being made to laugh when you want nothing more than to be stubborn and annoyed. You find yourself in the habit of dangerous daydreaming and being overcome by the tremendous potential of this fledgling little something.

Gone are the days of the foreign apartment in which you were once a visitor, carefully keeping your feet off of the coffee table and timidly finding your way around. Now you have a key, you know which cabinet the glasses are in and which door reveals the linen closet. Your belongings begin to litter the space like a trail of breadcrumbs: a pair of earrings here and a hair tie (or three dozen) there. You stop feeling like an uncomfortable tourist, and you start feeling like you belong in this place where you were once a guest. The word “home” slips from your lips in a Freudian fashion.

You realize this sly something has changed you. The comfort zone where you wasted entirely too much time is a place where you merely send postcards now. You’re faced with the awe-inspiring realization that another person can make you hopelessly happy, and you let them do so without a second thought. They bring into the spotlight all the wonderful things in you that have always been there, but have been hidden in the shadows of your own self-doubt. They frustrate you one second and take care of you the next. They complement you while complimenting you. They fit seamlessly into your life like the corner puzzle piece that fell behind the sofa among the crumbs and dust and was found months after the puzzle had already been finished.

All these seemingly inconsequential, isolated, random, silly, little things turned that something into something grand right under your initially upturned nose. …Or was it? Because these little things, these trifles perfect for onlookers to scoff at, were always consuming, significant, and beautiful to you, even before you knew why.

365 days isn’t a long time to turn a possibility into something and into something grand, but it’s long enough.

49 thoughts on “Something Grand

  1. “You’re faced with the awe-inspiring realization that another person can make you hopelessly happy, and you let them do so without a second thought. They bring into the spotlight all the wonderful things in you that have always been there, but have been hidden in the shadows of your own self-doubt. They frustrate you one second and take care of you the next. They complement you while complimenting you.”

    Yes.

    That.

  2. I like this. I’m all out of options, hopes, dreams of this kind. I feel like I’ve overdosed on red pills (The Matrix). But I appreciate the ideas and experiences of those still in the game of love. It resuscitates a bit of belief in me, that this could happen like this for me again, one day? 🙂

    Touching post.

    Wishing you the best! xo

  3. Wow! This is a beautiful and powerful post! I love how you bring to life the feeling of hope in all the maybes and what ifs that is life! I’m glad to have read your post first today.

  4. “You realize this sly something has changed you. The comfort zone where you wasted entirely too much time is a place where you merely send postcards now. You’re faced with the awe-inspiring realization that another person can make you hopelessly happy, and you let them do so without a second thought. They bring into the spotlight all the wonderful things in you that have always been there, but have been hidden in the shadows of your own self-doubt. They frustrate you one second and take care of you the next. They complement you while complimenting you. They fit seamlessly into your life like the corner puzzle piece that fell behind the sofa among the crumbs and dust and was found months after the puzzle had already been finished.”

    I couldn’t have said it better than this, and I am speechless. This is beautiful (ly) touching.

  5. Sometimes I have no clue what the heck I just read but the way you weave words into a story keeps me reading. So what I’m saying is, I don’t know what you just wrote but I love the way you wrote it. lol You are a damn good writer as only a damn good writer could do that. Keep writing!

  6. This is absolutely amazing… I’ll admit it made me smile. 🙂

    Congratulations! Happy anniversary… may many more follow (as long as he keeps making you happy and bringing you cheesecake).

  7. You’ve left me speechless…
    I honestly don’t have the words to properly convey what I am feeling right now. Maybe later. But if not, let me just say… thank you.

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