Because yesterday I wandered dangerously close to overdosing on sun exposure and the sensory overload of a fireworks show (I saw a man wearing a polo that was a combination of the American flag and the Constitution–it looked like something out of that new Miley Cyrus music video), the post you’re getting today is very much one that my long weekend addled mind thinks is worth writing. It’s about Jay-Z.

Source
Source

This may surprise you, but I’m a Jay-Z fan. I owe it to Jay-Z that I no longer have dirt on my shoulders. He taught me I shouldn’t be counting bitches among my problems, and prior to hearing “Big Pimpin’,” I thought spending cheese was something that only happened in Wisconsin. Even though Jay-Z is totally a visionary when it comes to laying down dope rhymes, I’ve discovered his Achilles’ heel: he’s a little impolite.

Have you ever noticed that on 90% of the tracks Jay-Z is featured on, or has another artist featured, he makes his musical presence known by interrupting the other singer with a “UH. UH.” or “YEAH!” and of course, “UH HUH.” I’ve done the research, and I have examples to substantiate my interrupting Jay-Z claims.

I’m in the car yesterday and this seriously awesome new Jay-Z song called Holy Grail comes on, and it starts with Justin Timeberlake singing like a beautiful medley of former boy-band angels. Seriously, Justin’s voice is like a butter on a hot frying pan in Paula Deen’s racist kitchen–I love singing over him and pretending it’s my voice that sounds good and not his. Well, Justin’s part (unfortunately) ended, the beat dropped, and no one even needed to tell me it was Jay-Z, because I heard this:

UH UH. UH!

…Oh hi, Jay-Z.

I know you’re not convinced, so let me take you back to 2007, when a certain song about a rain protection device was unavoidable on the radio. Yes, I’m talking about Rihanna’s “Umbrella.” The song starts, you’re nodding your head to the beat expecting the bird-like Barbadian voice of Rihanna, and instead you get…

UH HUH, UH HUH. chyeah. UH HUH, UH HUH.

Foiled again.

I’m not done. Remember that modern ode to New York called “Empire State of Mind“? Even Alicia Keys couldn’t fend off Jay-Z’s unnecessary interruptions, and goodness knows she was banging on the piano and singing at the top of her lungs trying her best, but she’s no match for J-Hova. While she’s belting out the chorus, here’s Jay-Z in the background, repeating phrases and ad-libbing:

‘EY! UH HUH. YEAH! YEAH! UH HUH UH HUH UH HUH. NEW! COME ON!

How do I know these commentaries are unessential? THEY’RE NOT IN THE LYRICS.

Here’s the real problem: no one can say anything Jay-Z about it, and it’s embarrassing. It’s like his musical fly is down, and everyone’s too nervous to tell him. How many artists do you think he’s invited to be on his tracks, and while he’s in the studio doing his patented, “UH. UH. UH HUH.” the other singer is standing outside the recording booth like, “What in the H to the Izzo is he doing…” But he’s Jay-Z. He helped move the Nets to Brooklyn, and he wifed up Beyonce for crying out loud, you can’t just go around telling him he sounds like he’s constipated when he announces his presence on a song.

So, because I care, I’m letting you know what’s up, Jay-Z. You have so much more to contribute, and I don’t want people to start using you as the punchline in that interrupting cow joke.

By the way, UH UH did you know there’s a Sass & Balderdash Facebook page? And UH HUH in case you want to stalk my life, I’m trying to be a better Instagrammer.

26 thoughts on “Interrupting Jay-Z

  1. I’m not a Jay-Z fan and I don’t really know much of his music – but this was a hilarious observation. I’ll probably think about it every time someone mentions him now.

  2. Did I know about the Facebook page? UH HUH. UH HUH. Wait JayZ has a new album out? I hadn’t heard that on Multiple commericals of the Samsung Galaxy. I think he needs a new promoter. You know what his next move should be? He should become a sports agent.

    1. UH. UH. NEW ALBUM. UH. UH.

      Sometimes he even interrupts his own tracks, I forgot to mention that. He’ll be mid-rap, and “UH UH.”

      Are you talking about those commercials about his writing process or whatever? I’ve been avoiding those. Along with all other commercials.

    1. YES! At least Kanye usually has something (assholish) to say though. Jay-Z literally just busts in with, “UH. UH HUH. YEAH. RHYMES. BROOKLYN. UH!”

Don't you sass me! ...Actually, please do.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s