Three Well-Known Authors Dish about NaNoWriMo

Budding writers and aspiring novelists have been reminding the Internet via acronym for the past five days that it’s National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). In an effort to combat the stigma that the manuscripts resulting from NaNoWriMo are rambling novellas with inconsistent plot lines, hollow characters, and a mish-mosh of half-conceived ideas, I decided to interview three successful writers to get their thoughts about NaNoWriMo. After pulling more strings than a cello player with obsessive compulsive disorder, I was able to sit down with Fyodor Dostoevsky, author of Crime and Punishment, Stephenie Meyer, “author” of Twilight, and George Orwell, author of 1984.

Katie: I’m so glad you all could make it. Especially Fyodor and George, you guys really pulled through.

Stephenie Meyer: What about me?

K: I’m still not sure why you brought a Robert Pattinson cardboard cutout.

Among the three of you, you’ve authored enduring and thought-provoking novels. …The other is a bestselling Young Adult author whose books gave everyone a new appreciation for Anne Rice in her glory days. How do you each feel about starting such a special and intricate process, and one that doesn’t involve cooking a turkey that isn’t too dry, in the month of November?

Fyodor Dostoevsky: In Russia we don’t have turkey dinner. We eat soup with cabbage and carrots.

George Orwell: Writing a subpar novel in a month that you’ll only consider an accomplishment simply because it’s complete sounds like doublethink to me. Part of the reason I wrote 1984 was to call attention to how Big Brother uses frivolous deadlines to give the fraudulent appearance of worth to what is clearly sloppy work.

SM: Well, personally, when I was a young girl living in Connecticut, I never imagined–

K: Imagine you’re just starting your novel. Would it be hard to get to 50,000 words in just four weeks?

SM: Well, if it were me, I’d keep in mind that this is just a rough draft. I wouldn’t put much time into creating compelling characters that demonstrate growth or get involved in stirring relationships–just get as many words down as you can.

K: …Took your own advice, I see. How about you, Fyodor? Is 50,000 an intimidating number?

FD: Don’t make same mistake as me. When I start writing novel, I strive for 50,000 characters–that’s why I make the names so long! Rodion Romanovich Raskolnikov could have been Ivan Agapov…

K: Despite the NaNoWriMo goal of 50,000 words, Crime and Punishment is 211,591 words long and 1984 comes in at 88,942. Do you think this suggests most novels that barely reach 50,000 words are probably going to suck be underdeveloped?

FD: As we say in Mother Russia, the subpar novel of my enemy is my friend.

GO: One shouldn’t need a special month or a pep club to conduct the electricity of one’s ideas onto the page! Instead of hurrying to reach daily word counts, you should be laboring over every syllable. You should be proofreading, erasing what is not needed, changing your mind, giving up for a week, and returning refreshed with a vengeance and a new connection to your story. Thirty days is not nearly enough time to tap into your greatness.

S: Twilight is 115,362 words. My book is longer than 1984, and I still don’t get any respect.

K: That “lion and the lamb” metaphor and four paragraphs of lovelorn looks do not constitute substance, Steph. So what final pieces of advice do you three have for novelists participating in NaNoWriMo this year?

GO: Just remember that abstaining form NaNoWriMo isn’t thoughtcrime against the art of writing.

FD: Eat your cabbage and carrot soup! …Don’t trust Tolstoy.

SM: No matter what happens, don’t be nervous! If nothing else, NaNoWriMo is the perfect time to write a slipshod novel with a heroine who Kristen Stewart will be perfect to play in the movie version.

Fellow writers who aren’t participating in hurried novel-writing and other dissenters of NaNoWriMo, join the NaNoNoWriMo movement.