Most of the time blogging is like cheesecake-flavored sunshine hugs, but there days when even the most sensible, hard-working bloggers will succumb to the icky thoughts.

No blogger likes having the icky thoughts, because aside from being thoroughly icky, these thoughts are often unfair, mean, unrealistic, overdramatic, pathetic, annoying, or ridiculous. The icky thoughts also make you feel guilty–like an imposter parading around as one of those eternally optimistic, happy-go-lucky bloggers. You know you shouldn’t be thinking the icky thoughts, but sometimes they make you feel so much better about everything you’re trying to accomplish with your blog. So without further ado, the eleven icky thoughts every blogger has had at least once (some of which, while still totally icky, are the teensiest bit true sometimes):

1. “Why does everyone like that one blogger so much? I’ve read his/her stuff, and it’s good, but it’s not that good.”

jimhaff3

Bloggers should never feel threatened by the success of any fellow bloggers. We’re all in this thing together! Except, of course, for that one blogger who’s totally overrated. That one blogger has a huge, dedicated following, and you’re so happy for him or her because being a part of the blogging community means being one of many diverse, talented voices yadda yadda yadda, but that one blogger needs to be stopped.

2. “It’s been forever since I visited so-and-so’s blog, and I’m behind on responding to comments. I’m the worst human being in existence.”

letdown

Who doesn’t love reading other blogs and responding to comments? But sometimes my love of watching Game of Thrones takes precedence over conquering the blogging world. And the next day, food, sweatpants, and Harry Potter all night might be absolutely necessary. And maybe the day after that I was too busy to even respond to text messages, let alone meaningful blog comments. I guess I’m just selfish. Everybody probably thinks I hate them! I’m unfit to have a blog.

3.  “I don’t like this follower. I may even hate them a little.”

seth cohen

Don’t get me wrong, all readers all wonderful. Every blogger would probably agree that it’s interacting with your audience that makes having a blog worthwhile, but every once in a while someone will come along and crash your party. Their comments are banal. They tell stories that scare you. They start following you on Twitter and spend a solid hour retroactively favoriting your old tweets. You’re totally polite and everything, but sometimes when you see his or her name pop up, you think to yourself, “Not this one… Not here… Not now…”

4. “I’m literally the only blogger who has a real life outside the Internet.”

i'mbusy

It’s common knowledge that all bloggers deal with distractions that take them away from their blog, but how does so-and-so respond to comments so quickly? Does he/she not work? What job function allows him/her to be on the blog all day? Oh look, so-and-so found the perfect GIF for his/her latest post and created an awesome new home page banner—I bet he/she doesn’t floss, though! Disgusting. My blog may not be perfect, but at least I step away from the computer to floss my damn teeth.

5. “Everyone that doesn’t have a blog is lazy. Imagine all the free time I’d have if I didn’t blog!”

napandcry

Blogging isn’t for everyone, and every individual should follow his or her own calling, but seriously how do all these lazy people who don’t write a blog handle all the free time they have? Are they watching every television show? Playing every sport? Sowing every wild oat? Those freeloaders don’t have the faintest idea how long it takes to proofread a post! Must be nice to get eight hours of sleep and have clean hair, you ambitionless sloths! While you’ve been loafing around, I’VE BEEN INCREASING MY INTERNET PRESENCE.

6. “No one likes my blog. My blog is stupid. WAH!”

leavemealonetodie

There will always be people who won’t respond favorably to your blog, but there will also be readers who shower you with compliments and applaud your writing skills. You should always focus on the followers who support you, but let’s be honest: those positive people are probably just being nice because they’re embarrassed for you. It’s much more likely that everyone in the entire world is mocking your blog from behind their computer screen. Even if they think your blog is good now, they’ll soon realize how much you suck once they come across that one blogger mentioned in number one.

7. “I’m not successful because none of my posts have gone viral!”

aziz

It takes time for a blog to establish its reach, but—wait, did you say nothing you’ve written has gone viral? And you’ve been blogging how long? Oh, well then, you may as well give it up now. Being the author of a viral blog post is the only measure of success that matters! Every viral post that’s ever existed is a striking example of vivid prose that communicates only the most significant aspects of our existence. Everyone knows that viral blog posts don’t rely on good timing or polarizing opinions for their success whatsoever! If you haven’t gone viral, you’re obviously talentless.

8. “I’m so mad every blogger is better/funnier/more clever/better liked/more popular than me that I’m never reading anyone else’s blog ever again.”

nevergoodenough

Finding inspiration as a blogger—hold that thought, so-and-so has a new post that looks interesting—HOW WAS THAT SO GOOD!? WHY DID I READ THAT? I CAN’T WRITE LIKE THAT! Why can’t I come up with stuff like that? I’m wasting my time as long as that exists in the world. I’m never reading another blog again. I don’t even want to know what else is out there. I’m sealing myself off in my blog bubble.

9.  “Someone had a bad response to something I wrote… I’m obviously a monster ruining the world one poorly-received blog post at a time.”

jimgaff6

Every blogger will face criticism at some point or another, but it’s important to keep your head up and stand by your words. But before I completely let it go Frozen style, HOW COULD ANYONE SAY THAT ABOUT MY POST! That’s not what I meant at all! How could anyone think that I meant that?! Did I mean that!? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?! I’m never having an opinion again. I’ll just write about cats, clouds, and cotton candy–those shouldn’t offend anyone… BUT WHAT ABOUT THE DOG LOVERS, METEROLOGISTS WHO HATE THEIR JOBS, AND DENTISTS???? Forget it. I’m giving up.

10. “Why am I doing this? I’m probably just wasting my time. Besides, I bet those America’s Next Top Model marathons could make me just as happy.”

givemasign

There will be tough days when blogging seems like a waste of time, but you shouldn’t give up. Your traffic will be pathetic, your comments will consist mostly of spam, you’ll get excited by a new follower only to discover she’s trying to sell you discounted Christian Louboutin shoes, and the only email in your blog inbox will be from a Nigerian man who’s the reluctant heir to an empire (which you can share with him as long as you wire him $5,000 USD, your bank account and routing number, and all nine digits of your social security number). On second thought, where’s the remote? And pass the Funyuns, please. It’s not a pity party without Funyun crumbs down my shirt.

11. “This post I wrote was amazing, but it didn’t get the attention I felt it deserved. Doesn’t anyone appreciate my craft?! I guess I’ll just write the same old stuff people want to read.”

jimgaff

When you’ve been blogging for a while, you’ll start to notice certain characteristics of blog posts that readers will respond to more than others, but if you don’t pursue different topics or new approaches that interest you, you’ll never grow as a writer. Buuuuuut. How could anyone skip that awesome post I just wrote? It was so funny! So poignant! Even the title was ingenious! I guess I’ll just go back to writing the same stuff I typically write. I lost potential traffic all because I stepped outside of my comfort zone. POTENTIAL. TRAFFIC.

____________________________

When things get really icky, turn to Jillian Michaels and/or Liz Lemon (not necessarily in that order):

keepworking

somefood

What icky thoughts have you had while blogging?

97 thoughts on “11 Icky Thoughts Every Blogger Has Had

  1. Every follower now thinks he or she is #3. But not me! I KNOW YOU LOVE ME! LOOK: I COMMENTED FIRST!!!!
    Yes to all of the above, by the way. Thanks for cleansing our collective souls.

    1. I know. It’s always dicey writing about followers, because I know everyone is going to assume it’s about them (that’s what I would do, too). I’d never tell the person who it was! But seriously, it definitely isn’t you.

  2. I thought one time that my angst on my blog would go away if maybe the internet had never been invented. Silly of course since I would turn to another subject on which to dwell. I finally have come to the point where I realize I am going to be anxious no matter what I do. Great post.

    1. Me too. It’s just become a way of life. Most of the time it’s great, but sometimes it’s like this. Keeps us on our toes, at least?

  3. Whenever I feel ignored as a blogger, I fire off an email to WordPress threatening to write yet another blog about celebrities or politics… It reminds me what really being ignored is all about.

  4. I’m pretty sure all of those apply to me all the time. I am such a bitter hater when it comes to any one else having any success on anything. If someone has even a hint of success in either their blog or life, I hate them and their blog forever. Other than that 100% of the time, I have no icky thoughts.

  5. Don’t forget the feelings about being Freshly Pressed, especially when it doesn’t happen…
    Convincing yourself that it’s overrated and unimportant and by no means a measurement of your success/failure as a blogger, only to change your mind a full 180 degrees, once you are. Finally. Freshly Pressed.

    1. YES. “Who needs that, anyway?! No big deal! …Wait. THEY’VE CHOSEN ME?! ME!?!?! I’M THE BEST BLOGGER TO HAVE EVER BLOGGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    2. Wait, so you DID get Freshly Pressed? I’ve never been Freshly Pressed. I totally hate you now because of this random measurement of awesomeness that the people of WordPress have bestowed upon you. I am currently sticking my tongue out at you AND folding my arms in a huffy manner.

      😉 totally jk, of course. Maybe.

      1. How do I say this without you hating me forever… I’ve been Freshly Pressed three times. BUT IT WAS LUCK! EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I truly didn’t deserve any of them.

      2. Yes I have been. And contrary to what I thought when I wasn’t…It’s NOT overrated. It’s AWESOME and I felt like the best blogger in the world.

        At least for the day. But I don’t like to brag or anything…

        Keep the faith… And thanks for visiting. Oh darn, just realised this is not my site… 😦

      3. I accept your thanks nonetheless 😀 I feel so honored! Now to send “Freshly Press Me” vibes to the WordPress admins…(wait, that didn’t sound unintentionally hilarious, did it?)

  6. Spot on! I am new to this blogging world and shouldn’t care that I have only a few followers, but dang I do. Sad confession, I am even happy with the ones that are from a remote place on the other side of the world and need translating.

    1. I was going to follow you, but I can’t find your blog on your Gravatar?

      Believe me, girl, we’ve all been there. I still get a small sense of pride from getting a follower whose blog is written entirely in Swahili. I have no idea how I’m going to interact with them, but at least they’re here.

  7. All of this. Yes. This came at just the right time too. I can’t in good conscious ever post anything unless I thoroughly hate IT and myself.

    1. Do you do that thing where you’re writing something, and you actually minimize the Microsoft Word window because you had a moment of, “Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing, what am I even doing with my life???”

  8. Actually, I am pretty darn sure I am #3. 🙂

    Tying into #1, being the one person who isn’t following the “best new blog” or the latest and greatest gets difficult. I am not going to get into having to explain my position on not following someone all…the…time…

    1. YES. YES. YES. That is great addendum!

      “You don’t read __________!?! Why not?!”
      “Uhhh, I’m not being a hater, but it’s just not my thing…”

  9. “My blog may not be perfect, but at least I step away from the computer to floss my damn teeth.” Hahahaha! This was brilliant. Love all the GIFs with it.

  10. This is everything to me. I think I have more than one of these thoughts about my blog every day. Blogging is a love/hate relationship.

  11. #7 and #11 right here. (And the never-been-Freshly-Pressed complex.) I knew when I started blogging that it would take me a while to get my traffic up, mainly because I don’t have a big networking system in my personal life, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t starting to get to me. I have a list of future post ideas, and whenever I go over it I choose to write about the one I think will be most likely to get Freshly Pressed. It’s even worse for it not to happen when you’re writing specifically with that goal in mind. I almost feel like I’m submitting my novel for publication and getting rejected with every draft, by every publisher, only here they’re not even kind enough to tell me I’m being rejected. Haha.

    1. I had NO readers in the beginning. I got one or two comments from people who pitied me, but it really just takes time. The more get around to interacting with people on other blogs, the more people will start to recognize you/your blog.
      My advice on the Freshly Pressed front is just to write what you’re really passionate about. The posts you think have a chance/should get Freshly Pressed are never the ones that are selected, at least that’s my experience. Don’t get me wrong, I love everything I write but I mean… Some posts are better than others. My Freshly Pressed posts have always come out of nowhere.

      1. Sometimes I sign out out WordPress and then visit my blog so it looks like I actually had a visitor. I don’t like when my stats have a zero day. Does that make me crazy? Haha

    2. Not in the least! I used to do that from multiple computers in my home! And when I got my first visitor from the continent of Africa (likely some kind of accident), I completely lost my shiz.

  12. I’ve had all of them except for #3, which likely means that I’m #3 for most blogs I follow.

    I wish I could figure out why some posts are more popular than others. But hey, when all else fails, there’s always ANIMATED CAT GIFS!!!!

    1. Regarding the reception of posts, I really think luck and timing is everything. I’ve gotten ridiculously mad at myself before because I posted a great post on a Friday, which is usually a lower traffic day for me.

  13. Let’s just go with 1, 2, and 6 to start. And now, I can add your blog to the reasons why no one likes or reads me because you and your gifs are just too funny. Time for a klonopin breakfast. *Stomps off*

  14. I think I need to go talk to some food about this post.
    Why didn’t I think of this? Because I think ALL of this.
    Only less cleverly because I FAIL AT BLOGGING AND NO ONE LOVES MEEEEEEEE!!!! ^_-

    Excellent post. Loved it.
    But Now I need to go cry ^_^

    1. Noooooooo! That’s not true at all. I always hate when people think of clever blog post ideas, especially when they’re so relatable that it’s like, “THIS WAS STARING ME RIGHT IN THE FACE. HOW DID THIS ESCAPE MY NOTICE?!” So I totally feel your pain, believe me.

      1. Oh it’s human 🙂 No commandment more guaranteed to produce misery than ‘Thou shalt always think good thoughts’. It would drive us crazy! No, the real trick is to develop a fine instinct for immediately responding to undue thoughts by posting. That teaches them a fine lesson 🙂

    1. Definitely not alone with the crazy OR the Funyuns. (But let’s be honest, we almost want to be alone with the Funyuns so we don’t have to share.)

  15. This is GREATNESS! And I’m the super jealous blogger because I have been wanting to figure out gifs since I started. I promise I’ll tutor your children, future children, friends, neighbors, you name it – in math – if you’ll tutor me in gif-ing!

    1. You had me at math tutoring. The GIF-ing is seriously so simple. All you need to do is go to Google, type in what kind of GIF you’re looking for (this can be as specific or generic as you want, so “Mean Girls gif” or “confused gif” will both work), and save the one you want to your computer and just drop it into your post. It’s really that easy! It does work best when you have specific movie/TV moments in mind, but I’ve found great GIFs just Googling general emotions.

      1. I did it! The first time when I was searching I didn’t see them moving so I thought they were just images, then when I found one it wouldn’t embed it just pasted the url. I didn’t have a teacher with me saying, “it’s ok, you just made a silly sign mistake – it’s ok – keep going” 😉 You’re the best! Thanks again! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2EA2nA2ar0

  16. Hahaha I am definitely guilty of numbers 6 & 7! I always read other blogs and think damn I should tone it down a little because I’m a ranter but then I wouldn’t be being me!

    1. Never tone it down! I’m guilty of thinking that, too. I often read other blogs, and I think to myself, “My stories are way too long… I need to watch my word count.” But no way. They have their style, and I have mine. Mine just happens to be really long-winded.

  17. I’m definitely going to refer to this post when I’m having one of these moments. That’s a beauty of writing, not only to analyze yourself and others, but to critique. I know I’m not the best writer, and I know I come down on myself for “writing like shit.” Truth is, we all have our bad moments, and I do consider myself a better writer than others.

    I do have been having a #2 issue. Yes. It’ is shitty at times. Even though I really don’t keep track of everyone who follows my blog, it’d be difficult to, and I feel terrible when I don’t live up to catching up with everyone’s posts that I adamantly follow.

    Such is life. Suck it up and keep writing.

    1. I totally agree. It’s really a double-edged sword. The constant self-critique is what improves our writing, but by the same token it has the potential to make us feel insecure and doubt the merits of our work.

      I’m horrible at keeping up with other blogs. I feel bad about it, but at least I make an effort? It’s not that I don’t want to read other people’s blogs; life just gets in the way sometimes, and I prioritize writing my blog above reading other blogs. Just the way the cookie crumbles.

  18. Yup, all of these. Plus the inherent guilt when I haven’t posted in awhile and I can feel that month old last post staring me in the face. Especially when you have like 5 drafts you’ve started but just haven’t finished….

    I am also impressed with your gif skills. I’ve tried finding gifs or images for posts before and I always feel like I find really not good photos and go without. But posts with images are read more often, and wahhhh.

    I’ve been Freshly Pressed once, and I agree, it’s like you’re trying not to think about it, like “It’s not that big of a deal,” then you get that email and go “OMG I GOT FRESHLY PRESSED WHAT I CAN’T HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW” and then refresh your stats 30 times a day the day that it’s up on the front page. It’s still the post I get views on every single day and they view the images a lot (of course).

    1. Oh goodness–the drafts. I see them sitting in there like, “HEY, REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE SO INTO ME? HOW ABOUT FINALLY FINISHING ME, HUH?”

      Since we’re talking about icky thoughts, let me admit something: I sometimes hate when people rely on GIFs to carry their posts. Like, a well-placed GIF can really add something, but like… People like to look at funny pictures, so I sometimes think using tons of GIFs is like cheating in a weird way.

      Yeah, I’m still getting “likes” on my most recent Freshly Pressed post.

  19. You’re hilarious & your posts never ever disappoint. Sometimes when I’m reading that blog that has so many followers and I just cant really grasp why…I get disappointed half way through & judgy jenni comes out… Thank you for making it very clear that I am not a horrible person.
    I’m guilty of all of the above & have to put myself into check sometimes.
    Some may disagree but I feel that it’s pure human nature to compare ourselves to others & judge others – (Judging isn’t always bad…just most of the time).

    1. Thank you! And you are definitely not a horrible person–I think it ALL the time. I especially get judgmental when I decide to peruse the Freshly Pressed page. I’ve been cruel enough to think, “They thought this was special? WHAT?” Yeah, I’ve stooped that low.

      I agree. Most of the time it’s totally icky, but I think the comparison has the potential to motivate you to work harder.

  20. No. 6! I was having a bit of a cry over that last week. But as soon as I actually wrote it out, I felt good and realised that getting likes and positive comments was important. But not as much as the fact that I was happy and content with what I have written.
    Also, piece of advice from someone I like very much, certain someone called bethteliho said that it’s important that the voice in the blog is real, that it’s totally you and not an attempt to get likes or comments but rather being honest and being the original version of yourself. That’s what it’s about 😉

    1. Oh no! That one’s gotten to me, too. This may be TMI, but whenever I’m about to get my period, I hate my blog for a solid three days. I think writing it is out is really the best remedy for all of these icky thoughts.

      And that’s great advice! I totally agree. It’s being you and writing what you want to write–that’s what makes a blog truly great, even if it takes other people a little while to realize it.

  21. My #12 is that I have a split blog personality complex (is this a syndrome yet?). I have my blog that is attached to this account which is ready by my parents so I keep it mostly about experiencing Japan and such. Then I have an anonymous blog that I jump to for making more emo posts that I don’t want my parents reading which very few follow so basically I go through 1-11 above x2. And there is a 3rd blog personality that has no outlet yet which wants to be created to make daily posts about whatever but the thought of dedicating time to a third blog personality exhausts me. Ultimately, maybe after my parents no longer have internet access (is there internet access in heaven?) it would be nice to bring it all together to one place. *facepalm*

    1. Oh my gosh, that sounds brutal. Going through it on one blog is enough, but TWO and possibly soon THREE? I think you might be Wonder Woman. I definitely feel like a wimp, now.

      1. haha no, the anonymous blog doesn’t get much attention, maybe a post a month at this point. It’s more like my therapy session, when needed.

  22. You are inside my head! 99% of my search engine driven traffic is due to people searching for “white girl weaves” because I wrote a post about the disastrous hair weave I got 10 years ago. I’ve thought, more than a couple of times, that I should abandon this whole humor/sarcasm thing and just start a dedicated blog about Caucasian weaves since that is apparently the only thing people on the internet are interested in. If only those that came for the White Girl Weave would stay for the Death By Chicken.

    1. HA! Oh, the search terms. I’ve thought the same thing, too. Just generally speaking, I’ve wondered if I should narrow the scope of my blog to focus exclusively on, say, office humor or stories about my everyday life, but I really like writing about various things, even if it means less traffic.

      But I say keep writing about what you want to write about–not that I wouldn’t love to read a blog entirely dedicated to white girl weaves.

  23. The very fact that you already answered most of your comments makes me think icky thought number 4. But then you, and most people, are probably not limited to read-only Internet at work.

    1. Yeah, I’m lucky in that way, but some days are busier than others (which is why I’m just now getting around to responding to the rest of these).

  24. How about: “Oh my God, I just “hijacked” their blogpost by putting in this long authoritative comment; I’m not one of the cool kids any more!”
    or: “I clicked on that Gravatar because the blogger was attractive or interesting-looking, not because of their comment.”
    OR: “Everything I write could be qualified with an ‘or something’ at the end of it.”

    1. HA!! Great additions! About the Gravatar: A MILLION TIMES YES. I’ve even done it with people who looked kind of weird rendered as an icon. Sometimes when I saw the larger image that determined if I visited their blog or not. I’m not proud of my actions.

  25. Via the League of Extraordinary Flossers, we thank you. I realize my blog is brand SPANKING new, but I’ve been a ball of pent up creativity my whole life, and can identify with the entire list!

  26. I orphaned my blog recently for a while, (I’m working. Kosher bakery. 4am. IM REALLY SORRY, OK?!) and I was like, you’re the worst human being in the world. Seriously. Go work some more.

  27. When I made my first post, I thought “Ok universe, I’m waiting!” I expected 14,000 people to come check it out. It is not like I knew for sure it would happen, but a small part inside me hoped so. But you know what, I’m still waiting to face criticism! So anyone who hates my writing, mock me!

  28. I’ve had similar thoughts. I’ve even written about them. But although I write humor I didn’t write as well or as funny as you.
    Thanks. Another writer funnier and more articulate in their writing than I am.
    But more to the point.
    Very good. And Funny. 🙂

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