With the advent of Twitter and Instagram, I’ll admit that Facebook and I have grown apart, but I’m not ready to let go of it completely. I have too many fond memories of how exciting it was to join Facebook my junior year of high school after Myspace had fallen from grace. Facebook was the first social media site where I stalked the popular kids and their boozy red cup pictures with captions that claimed they were drinking apple juice. In college, clicking through everyone’s dedicated Macbook webcam photo album spared me from many a boring lecture.

Now that I’m older and wiser, I’ve started noticing that most of my Facebook friends are full of crap.

I think we’ve all come to expect a certain level of dishonesty on social media. After all, we want to convince everyone (and ourselves) that we’re living our ~best life~, and how better to do that than to slap a filter on it or embellish some of the details? There are some Facebookers, however, who I would like to formally accuse of straight up lying in 90% of the personal anecdotes they post. I suspect you have a few of these of your own in your friends lists.

As a result of these Facebook fictions, I’ve started regarding my newsfeed like a social media version of that old show Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction. If you’re not familiar, Beyond Belief shows you a few stories about uncanny, often supernatural events that may or may not have actually happened in real life. After each vignette, the host comes on and waxes philosophical and invites you decide whether the story was fact or fiction. By the end of the show, you get to find out which events actually happened and which did not.

As I present the following stereotypical Facebook posts to you, I invite you to enter a world of attention-seeking and “feeling accomplished :D,” where everything is not what it seems. Are these posts fact? Or are they just Facebook fiction?

The Encourageable Emerging Adulthood Hot Mess

encourageablehotmess

 

The Guy Who’s Trying to Convince Everyone He’s Getting Laid

despguy

The Overzealous Animal Lover

animallover

The Joint Facebook Account Parents Who Are Trying Too Hard

parents

The Simpatico Guy Who’s Struggling In So Many Ways

guy

The Passionate Political Activist Who May Have Exaggerated

women

 

…They’re all fiction.

Edit: This is a small sampling of offenders, and I know there are some pretty glaring omissions. If there are Facebook liars you’d like to see added to this list, leave them in a comment.

Who’s lying on your Facebook page?

40 thoughts on “My Facebook Friends Are All Lying

  1. I’m not sure I have too many of the liars (but then I only go on Facebook once a month max. so I can’t say for definite) but I do appear to have a few attention seekers – “my life / day was so crap because of x, y and z, boo hoo hoo, someone tell me that they think I am amazing, pronto”. They drive me nuts!

    1. I’d say you’re lucky, but you’re also missing out on some real gems. The attention seeking people are really just as bad. I know all social media is really attention seeking disguised as nEtWoRkInG, but some people lay it on a little thick.

  2. Did you create these? They’re brilliant. And craft-y! I thought maybe the pitbull one was true until I saw the kid’s name. Avakenzie. I bet that name’s out there, but somehow it put the piece over the edge for me. Weird, right?
    Great job.

    1. I did! This morning before work. That’s why there are regrettably not that as many as there should be. These days, I thought Avakenzie might be believable.

    1. I feel like if I unfollowed everyone who was successful, ridiculous, or annoying, I just may as well delete my Facebook account. I know what I come there for.

      1. I only ever look at my Facebook to make myself more annoyed at people I already don’t like…It’s a big vicious circle.

  3. Thoroughly enjoyed this post! Yes, I have a few false people on my friends list, for sure. And some drama queens (and kings) for that matter. And what about the ones who think their Facebook friends are interested in every little thing they do?? “Just made scrambled eggs, biscuits & gravy, grits, pancakes, bacon…” Bitch, all you’re doing is making people hungry for food they don’t feel like getting up and cooking right now – shut up! Or, “Just got done mowing the grass. I’m exhausted.” Really? What do you want – a cookie? I do find some value in Facebook, though. I don’t live particularly close to any of my loved ones, and it’s so hard to align schedules to actually spend real time with people very often, so for now, it’s my go-to for letting them know I’m still alive (I don’t carry a cell phone. I know. I’m odd.)

  4. Thoroughly enjoyed your post! It’s a pretty sad fact that every one of those could have been real! Facebook seems like one big class reunion: everyone is vying for attention either through bragging or whining. And then there are those who continually invite you to play Candy Crush. Yeah, no.

  5. This is hysterical, definitely a great read to start out my morning! My grandmother is one of five sisters and all of them are on FB and I try really hard to give them a pass because they are 827 years old, but they are constantly posting things from incredibly random “news” sources and imploring us all to “educate ourselves and “BEWARE” of this or that. Examples:

    “Barack Obama is a cousin of Osama Bin Laden and is currently housing him the basement of the White House and will be endorsing him for the next presidential election.”

    “Bill and Hillary Clinton have people chained in their basement.”

    “Jesus was seen walking through a park in Detroit on Friday….See the picture.”

  6. Ha ha ha! Hilarious post, and so true. I like social media — it’s a fun way to stay in touch with friends and family, but some people are just attention-whores who like to brag. And somehow they have no idea how ridiculous they look. I can see being proud of some things, sure, but the selfies multiple times a week and using their status updates like their diary (but only the perfect things), come on!

    “The Joint Facebook Account Parents Who Are Trying Too Hard”
    ^ So funny. Sometimes they write in all caps, too.

  7. This post is hilarious! And so true! There was a girl from high school on my Facebook who spent 3 months posting about her trip to Africa and guess what?! She didn’t even go! It was all fake! She was just making things up from her bedroom at home! I should have known something was up when she posted zero photographs. I guess it’s easier to blatantly lie about your life on social media than it is to admit that your a boring person…

  8. I have one straight-up liar who tells “real life stories”, then forgets about it and tells the same exact story a few months later. I have one other who tells the truth, but he can’t ever do anything nice for anyone without announcing it on Facebook.

  9. Prayer request posts. I live in the south, and all some people do is post a prayer request for someone’s dog to be found, for Avakenzie to pass her spelling test, for the mysterious medical test to come out okay…blah, blah. And then people comment things like, “Prayers!” “Praying for you, sweetie!” And the praying hands emoticon….

  10. “After MySpace had fallen from grace.” I love this. I don’t even have Facebook anymore because it was so difficult to read people’s lies! Lol I hated the posts by the girls who was so in love with the boyfriends who wasn’t even aware they were in relationships.

  11. I, generally, spend my FB time playing “Words with Friends” and now “Trivia Crack”. I do check in on Birthdays and greet people and read just a bit here and there. I tend to ignore most posts and try hard not to get involved in the “daily” lives thing.
    Scott

  12. I don’t spend a lot of time on FB except for playing “Words With Friends” and, now, “Trivia Crack”. I really don’t want to get involved in the “daily lives” of everyone. Most of it bores me, though there are some…
    Scott

  13. hahaha the pit bull one was dead on. the animal people are too much… the cats… the dogs… the birds… remember when Facebook was just for us cool college kids back in 2005??

  14. Hahaha! Actually think the first one about condoms and wine is believable (kind of thing that would happen to me on a bad day), but the others… Wow! The DOG changed baby diapers and gave her a bath?! Nice, I’d like to teach my dogs some tricks like that. They won’t even help bring in the groceries! Seriously though, Facebook and I had a falling out some years ago because of all the drama… Like I don’t have enough in real life? I rarely get on anymore except to msg to those few who have no other easy means of keeping track of friends. The whole thing is pathetic and just plain sad, if you ask me.

  15. Number one is so spot on. A story like that could be true, but rarely isn’t. It’s just been fabricated to make the person fit better inside the category she’s put herself in, this case being “hot mess”. Everything up until the teacher thing could be true, but in reality she never met her teacher there. She just thought about how weird it would be if it happened, and decided to turn it into a story. Or she did meet her teacher, but the teacher said nothing.

    I see this phenomenon a lot on Twitter. No, I really I don’t think all of those tweeters I used to follow actually are lonely, miserable alcoholics with no job or sex life. They’ve just taken the bad parts of their life, exaggerated them and made them into their trademark. I used to laugh at their tweets, but in the end it got kind of boring. It started to feel pretentious and I thought if I met these people, they’d be socially skilled, good-looking, popular and sober. They’d laugh at me and the few others who actually were lonely, unpaid, miserable and drunk, and they would say something like. “Are you too stupid to realize none of what we’ve tweeted is true, we’re just making things up for attention. That’s how you become successful on Twitter, you idiot. Yeah, have another drink to try and handle the truth, you pathetic drunk.”

    But this could just be something I created in my paranoid head. I’ve always been a bit paranoid. And now that I’m no longer lonely, unpaid, miserable and drunk, I’m quite convinced it was nothing but my paranoid side kicking in… along with the wish to be special. I mean, if most other people are lonely failures too, I’m just… normal. Ugh. This is the whole thing about Twitter: the wish to be special. And that goes for Instagram and Facebook too. So even if I’m not paranoid about it anymore, I do still believe people sometimes fabricate their stories a little, just to fit into the folder they’ve decided to place themselves in. And as for number two, I’ve read posts like that and they seem to me like they’re about how the posters wish their lives were like, not what they actually look like.

    Also, I have no Facebook friends who seem to be full of shit. But on Twitter and Instagram, there are a lot of them!

  16. Too funny . . . I actually cut my FB friends list from 200 to 46 because I couldn’t handle the stupidity. Great post!

  17. Here’s one:
    “I woke up at 3am and did 300 push ups, 400 sit ups and lifted a small house over my head, while eating a fat-free, carb free, gluten free Power Bar and I feel friggin’ Awesome! I’m only sharing this to inspire YOU to be the best YOU that YOU can be!”

    Arrrggg. Bugs the crap outta me, because the only thing they’re actually trying to inspire, is other people to tell THEM how impressive THEY are.

    p.s. LOVED your post!

Don't you sass me! ...Actually, please do.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s